The research backs up what I’ve seen firsthand: dads (or father figures) play a significant role in shaping resilience in their daughters. Girls who have a supportive, present father figure tend to have higher self-esteem and stronger boundaries. They learn to take risks and face challenges with confidence, knowing they have a solid foundation to fall back on. This encouragement to try new things and develop a strong sense of self is a gift I want to give my daughters.
Our culture today sends a lot of confusing messages about what it means for girls to know their worth and build resilience. Self-worth is often linked to social validation or what they do (or don’t do) with their bodies. But when we anchor our daughters’ worth in what the world thinks of them, we’re teaching them that they are only as valuable as others’ opinions. True resilience and self-worth come from within, from knowing their inherent value in the eyes of God, and from building a strength that isn’t swayed by what’s trending or by others’ expectations.
As a family who follows Jesus, we believe that their worth comes from Him—a worth that isn’t earned, negotiated, or taken away. My heart is to see girls—daughters, sisters, friends—who are emotionally healthy, relationally flourishing, and gritty. I want them to know they can face challenges, handle setbacks, and hold onto their faith and values, even when life gets hard. True resilience is built on this foundation. And anyone who knows us as a family knows that we are often a little messy ourselves. But we’ve learned (and are still learning) to lean into that messiness together.
We are in the midst of a mental health epidemic, and as I’ve written before, our children—especially our daughters—are not flourishing. And part of the reason is that we, as adults, are not modeling what healthy emotional regulation looks like.
So as a dad, I ask myself: How can I help my daughters rise above the chaos, messiness, and unforgiving world they live in? How can I help them build a network of close and safe connections committed to each other’s flourishing? How can I help them find the courage to care for and love others without being pulled under by life’s storms? I want them to believe the best in people, to respond in love rather than hate, and to feel secure in who they are.
Building resilience in daughters, especially around self-regulation and co-regulation, is powerful and shapes their ability to navigate life’s challenges. Part of my role as a dad is not just to guide them but to model what healthy regulation looks like. Here are a few ways I try to help them develop these skills:
Model Emotional Regulation: Kids learn a lot from observing us. When I encounter stress, showing them how I manage it calmly gives them a blueprint for their own reactions. If they see me processing emotions rather than avoiding them, it becomes more familiar and manageable.
Encourage Problem-Solving: Allowing them to work through age-appropriate challenges on their own, while offering support but not solutions, builds grit. This helps them learn to trust their abilities and handle what life throws at them.
Praise Effort, Not Just Outcome: Reinforcing the value of trying hard and persisting, regardless of success, cultivates a growth mindset. When they see effort as valuable, they’re more likely to push through difficult times.
Teach Co-Regulation Through Connection: Before expecting them to manage emotions alone, co-regulation—soothing them through empathy and presence—helps them feel safe and understood. Over time, they’ll internalize these methods and become better at self-regulating.
Normalize Setbacks and Mistakes: It’s natural for kids to feel they need to be perfect, so sharing my own failures and what I’ve learned helps normalize this experience and encourages resilience.
Encourage Self-Reflection: Helping them recognize their strengths and areas for growth by asking open-ended questions equips them with tools for resilience. They learn to observe patterns in their responses and adjust.
Each of these steps is part of what I try to model, knowing that resilience isn’t about perfection—it’s about learning to rise up again, anchored in a sense of worth and faith. That’s what I want for my daughters: to know their true worth, to live it out confidently, and to be truly resilient.
When I look at the many girls who were in our home when we were houseparents, now raising their own families, I see you. I am so proud of you. You have overcome so much—pass that resilience and strength on to your children.
As parents—and especially as dads—we have the chance to break cycles and pass down something life-giving to our kids. If we’re not doing these things, we can start today. Choose one small step. This journey is messy, but it’s worth it. The greatest gift we can give our children isn’t anything material; it’s ourselves—a safe, healthy, and present “me” that they can lean on. Also…this approach significantly impacts their faith journey more than anything else.
Generationally, we pass down more than just our words and actions; we pass down our beliefs, our loves, but also our wounds and traumas. These can translate into either hopelessness or hope. Is hopelessness what we want for our daughters—for our children? This sense of hope or hopelessness is not dependent on any media source, social media app, election, or the state of the world. Instead, it’s rooted in the legacy we choose to leave.
And I speak this from the lens of a man who has spent years helping children and youth, especially young women, pick up the pieces of their lives—regardless of the brokenness they might be coming from. I have seen firsthand the impact of a life rooted in resilience and faith. We have the opportunity to pass down something different: healing, resilience, and a foundation of faith that cannot be shaken by the world’s turmoil.
In the words of the Apostle Paul, “I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:11-13).
May we pass down that same contentment, resilience, and strength to the next generation. This is our legacy.